Calm Before the Storm

Content at one of my favourite places to be – the beach.

What an awesome vacation I have had.  Relaxing, calming, amazing.  I’m on Day 7 and I have spent 5 of them so far by a body of water – either the beach or a pool.  It’s not over yet, so there could definitely be more.  I’m actually counting on it.  To say I’ve got a tan is a bit of an understatement.

The best part has been the time that I’ve spent with my son.  We’ve always been two peas in a pod, but this week it seems like we’ve gotten even closer.  He starts school next week so as you’ve read before, it was very important to me to make this week amazing, and I think I have.

Sometimes I find that after a vacation, I feel like I need another vacation.  Usually I feel that way.  This time, not so much.  I’ve spent time cuddling, laying on the beach, reading, floating on a pool raft, stretched out on the sand staring at the water rolling in.  I feel relaxed, I feel content, and I feel like I’m ready for what lies ahead.

The storm is coming.  That storm is called: Nicholas Goes to School.  He says he is excited, he says he is looking forward to school, to the bus ride, and all that stuff.  But he doesn’t get it.  He doesn’t really grasp what is coming.  That he is going to be out there on his own.  No Mommy, Daddy or grandparents to cling to.  He is such a shy little boy.  We go anywhere and he meets new people and he literally clings to me until he warms up.  We were at the beach the other day with Joe’s parents and I literally moved ten feet over from where he thought I should be and I heard him yell “where’s my Mommy??” as he ran up to where his Nana was sitting.  Once he realized I had just moved over a bit, he came over and put his arms around me and said: “you’d never leave me, right Mommy?”

Talk about breaking my heart.  Because I have to tell him that of course I would never leave him.  Then I have to go and betray him as I make him get on the school bus by himself.  Make him spend the day at school without me.  I try to explain to him that of course I would never leave him alone without someone there to look after him.  That even when I’m not there, there will always be someone to turn to if he needs something.  That even when he goes to school and I’m not there, he will have the teacher, and all the other kids there with him.  He won’t be alone.

But come the first day of school, I know he isn’t going to understand this.  He’s going to be absolutely devastated.  I know that he’ll be fine.  I know that once he gets used to school and gets into the swing of things, that it is going to be amazing for him.  He’s going to make friends, he’s going to grow in so many ways – socially especially.  It makes me so excited to think about all the things that he is going to learn.  The world is laid out at his feet and it’s all there for him to possess.  He’s so lucky.  We just have to get over this little hump called the first day – week – month – of school.

But now, it’s Friday night.  I have three more full days left of my vacation.  Lots of time to soak up some more sun, and some more cuddles from my little guy.  I’m not going to dwell on that first day until I absolutely have to – on that day.  I’m not going to ruin the rest of my vacation worrying about the inevitable.  I’m going to make the absolute best of it.  For all of us.

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